Thomo’s Rules of Eating and Cooking

OK, Thomo is an Aussie, which is why he was referred to in the past as the Lost Aussie. Being Aussie, of course, Thomo likes to barbecue food. Forget the Americans and the British – when it comes to BBQ, Aussies have it – it’s a lay down misère (well, there may be a little competition from the Koreans but hey, their cooking styles are not well enough known yet to count).

I will include recipes in Thomo’s Hole from time to time. In the meantime, Thomo believes three things in relation to cooking:

  1. BBQ rules
  2. If not BBQ, then maximum preparation and cooking time should be 30 minutes.
  3. If it is exotic, then two saucepans is OK to cook with otherwise, maximum one (Thomo does not like to clean up and wash up).

Of course, travelling the world, I have also been exposed to many and varied “interesting” dishes. At one stage in Korea, one of our favourite games was to order fried chicken from the local fried chicken shop, then sit in the apartment and play “guess the bit”.

All this travelling has led to Thomo’s Three Laws of Eating. Simply expressed, these can save you from a number of unpleasant meals when travelling and if presented to those in the country you are travelling in as religious beliefs, will generally be accepted as such and honoured.

Oh, and the Laws? Simple:

  1. Dead.
  2. Cooked.
  3. Should never have connected the mouth to the bottom on any animal (i.e., offal is off).

These rules will see you well in almost any environment. For example, When a Korean takes you out for live octopus, you can fall back on rules 1 and 2. Japanese take you out for sushi? Definitely a rule 2. Fresh Rock Oysters? Rule 1. Sea Cucumber with Chinese friends? Rule 3.

See how simple this can be?

Now, if you are a really finicky eater, then there are three supplementary rules that can also be bought into play, namely:

  1. It should have been warm blooded.
  2. It should have had four legs and walked the earth
  3. If it did not have four legs, then we should be talking two legs; and feathers should also be strongly involved in it’s lifestyle.

Now, I know that rules out seafood but hey, they are optional and it does allow you to tailor the inputs without offending a host.

Happy munching now!

Note: This was first published in Thomo’s Hole in April 2003 but has been used over the years as a way of avoiding food in a variety of countries. It has mostly been successful.

4 thoughts on “Thomo’s Rules of Eating and Cooking

  1. thomo the lost 30 November 1999 / 8:00 am

    Thomo would further add that his favourite seafood in fact has four legs, fur, horns and says "moo" as it swims.


  2. thomo the lost 30 November 1999 / 8:00 am

    I've added further food information to Thomo's Hole, including some recipes. All the food related stuff can be found at, funnily enough, Food. Read and enjoy – try the recipes, they are simple and work.


  3. anthony 24 March 2021 / 9:34 pm

    OMG I wish I had read your archives in the years we gamed…this would have clarified so much.


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