The Last Templar

I watched it tonight – what a crock. At least I’m glad I had not spent money to see this at the cinema. All was going well in the opening sequences but then it went down as fast as the Templar ship!

Spoiler alert – if you haven’t seen the movie and do not want to know what happens, then read no further – otherwise, read on if you want to hear my comments.

The Templars were in Jerusalem when the Ottoman Turks took it in 1291 – OK except for the fact that around the time that Jerusalem fell the last time from Christian control, there were no Ottoman Turks (I think the Turks at that stage were Seljuks) and the Crusaders had been defeated by the Khwarezmian who had stormed Jerusalem. Indeed, the Ottoman Turks (those under the rule of Osman) only came into existence in 1299.

The Knights Templar held the island of Ruad just off the Syrian shore and that was the last Frankish foothold in the Holy Land. The Mamluks took it after siege in 1302.

The best thing was that these Templars were defending Jerusalem and when all was lost and Jerusalem stormed by the Ottomans, the Templars sailed out of the city, later to be caught in a huge storm with gigantic waves and then they have their boat sunk under them just off the coast of Turkey. Look at a map and tell me how someone can sail out of Jerusalem and sail on to Turkey.

Anyway, enter our good guys and bad guys, have a theft by Templars at a museum in New York and then have Mira Sorvino run around beating up bad guys, solving puzzles and generally behaving like a manic Indiana Jones.

We end up off the coast of Turkey for the final showdown.

The bad guy (well, one of them anyway) is on a boat in a fierce storm – he still persuades the skipper to set divers down to recover part of the Templar boat – yeah, right, like that is going to happen in a storm. The other bad guys also managed to hide away on the same boat and eventually there is a huge all-in brawl which is terminated by a wave the size of the one that took out George Clooney’s boat in a perfect storm – er, and this is a storm generated wave in the Mediterranean in the area between, say, Lebanon and the Turkish coast.

At lastly, the Gospel of Yeshua which is the Treasure will bring down the foundations of Christianity. Well, if that was the case and this document would destroy the church, why then were the Templars bothering to defend Jerusalem from the Turks.

The Last Templar is rated 5.5 at IMDB but I suspect folks were just being kind to Omar Sharif.

Still, Omar Sharif was good as the old Greek bloke Konstantine living on the small island with a really long, really wide sandy beach with a good surf rolling and debris carried up the beach by the tide at the end of the movie. Yassos!

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