Why Australia is at the top of the World

WANTED: I am looking for two more proofs of this theory to round out to a nice even 10. If you can think of o­ne, please drop me a line.

There are a number of reasons that prove, conclusively, that the classic appearance of the globe is, in fact, incorrect. These proofs have been thoroughly checked and now the expounding of them here will finally prove to you that Australia is at the top of the world and Europe is o­n the bottom. In essence, ‘down under’ is in fact, ‘up over’.

1. The Astronomical Proof

When someone walks outside at night and looks up, they see stars. In the northern hemisphere, they see, for example, the North Star. You do not see terribly many stars, just a few million or so (well, a few million if you happen to have particularly good eye sight). Therefore, stars are an astronomical sign of up. When you are in the Southern Hemisphere in say Australia, South Africa or Argentina and you walk outside and look up, you also see stars. The difference here is that you see a few hundred million and you do not need terribly good eyes to see them all. There are more stars in the sky. In this case, if stars indicate up, then more stars must indicate more up. More up must be higher than up, therefore the Southern Hemisphere is higher than the Northern Hemisphere and therefore must be o­n top of the World. Australia is o­n the top and Norway is o­n the bottom.

2. The Thermodynamic Proof

Winter in Norway is very cold. It is quite common to sit here in sunny Trondheim with the temperature hovering at a balmy -5 degrees Celsius (not counting Wind Chill). In summer we were sitting around in temperatures that sometimes reached a sweltering 20 degrees Celsius. In Sydney, we would be freezing in a cold day when the thermometer registered a cold 10 degrees Celsius PLUS. In summer, would could see the occasional day where the temperature reached 40+ degrees Celsius. Therefore, winter in Sydney was always warmer than Trondheim. Summer was also warmer. Now, as just about everybody knows, warm air rises and cool air tends to settle. As warm air rises, it must be o­n the top and therefore Australia must be o­n the top of the world and Norway is o­n the bottom.

3. The Gravitational Proof

This is a fairly simple o­ne and rests o­n the principal that if you have a globe that is heavier o­n o­ne side than the other, the globe will tend to fall with the heavy side down, kind of like a slice of bread that has been buttered. The buttered side is heavier and always ends up being the side that lands o­n the floor. The proof follows. If you place some dirt in water, most of the dirt sinks to the bottom of the water. By and large then, dirt is heavier than water. Land is made up of dirt. If you look at a map of the world, you will notice that there is more land to the north of the equator. There is, therefore, more dirt north of the equator. That area is therefore heavier than the south side, it falls to the bottom and therefore Australia is o­n the top, Europe o­n the bottom.

4. The Related Gravitational Proof

Related to the proof immediately above is the related gravitational proof. In this case, we replace dirt with people. If you add the number of people up that live o­n the north side of the equator with the number that live o­n the south side, you will find that there are more people living o­n the north side. People have weight. This is why there are signs in elevators telling you how many people are allowed in. By the way, have you ever noticed that in different lifts, a different number of people are needed to make up the same weight? There are more people and therefore more weight north of the equator. This makes the north side heavier, it floats to the bottom and the result is that Australia is o­n the top, Europe o­n the bottom of the globe.

5. The Philosophical Proof

Perhaps o­ne of the most telling and difficult to argue against proofs is the philosophical proof. This rests firmly o­n philosophical principle. During the various ages of discovery, most of the exploration of the globe occurred from those living Europe. The likes of Leif Erikson, Marco Polo, Vasco de Gama, Magellan, James Cook and so o­n explored out of Europe in the search of new worlds. Initially they travelled east and west in the search of new lands. Then they started travelling south. What they were doing was expanding the knowledge of Europe. This expansion resulted in the enrichment of the cultures of the Old World. They therefore expanded outwards and upwards, seeking the new. This then means that they expanded upwards to the southern hemisphere and therefore, again, Australia must be o­n the top and Europe o­n the bottom.

6. The Rotational Proof

When the Swiss invented watches (and before the Japanese improved o­n the designs by taking the hands off), they invented them to rotate in a logical direction. That was clockwise. The hands of the clock face rotate in a clockwise direction. This is good. This is normal. This is logical. When you are off the ground at the North Pole and watching the earth rotate, it rotates in a counter-clockwise direction. When you view the same thing from above the ground in the South Pole, you see that the earth in fact revolves in a clockwise direction. This therefore proves that the correct aspect for the globe is with the Southern Hemisphere o­n the top and the Northern Hemisphere o­n the bottom of the globe.

7. The Cartographical Proof

Now, when the first maps were made, they were drawn with Asia to the top. This is how we got the expression, the Orient, for Asia. It was used to Orient the map. It was o­nly later that cartographers moved the map around to reflect a more Eurocentric view of the world. So, taking the old map as a frame of reference, we have, working from the bottom of the map to the top, the Americas, Europe and Africa, Asia and then, up and to the right of Asia, Australia. Result, Australia is o­n the top of the world.

8. The Linguistic Proof

In Australian slang, Australia is known as “down under”. Now, “down under” is a nickname for Australia. Australians, when they choose nicknames, select the most prominent feature of the items to be named and base the nickname o­n that. However, they do not describe the item by that feature, but by the opposite of that feature. For example, someone with red hair would be given the nickname of “blue” or “bluey”. A tall person would be called “shorty” and someone like me, with a more fulsome figure, would be described as “slim”. Now, given this feature, Australians for years have referred to Australia as “down under”. They have referred to it that way for so long that the rest of the world now understands that “down under” really means Australia. But, if Australians refer to “down under” for Australia, then what they really mean is “up over”. Therefore, Australia is o­n the top of the world and the northern hemisphere is o­n the bottom!

9. The Environmental Proof (added 1 April 2016)

As environmental and climate change issues become more focussed in the public eye, certainly more so than when I wrote this originally, Dan has sent the environmental proof:

If hot air and gasses like carbon dioxide (co2) rise up to the highest points in the atmosphere and are destroying the ozone layer then a further measure of “upness” must be Ozone Holes. The largest Ozone Holes are in the southern hemisphere, above Australia and Antarctica. In this case, the southern hemisphere must be “higher” up than the northern hemisphere and therefore Australia must be on top of the globe!

10. Your Proof could be here

I am looking for two more proofs. If you can provide one, please drop me a line and I will include them here (with suitable acknowledgement of course).

5 thoughts on “Why Australia is at the top of the World

  1. Jason 24 February 1999 / 8:00 am

    It is very easy to reason your way into a paper bag… So, along the same lines as these "proofs", we could also say that everyone holds maps with north facing upward. Would this not prove that the top of the earth should be northward? lol If you would like to say that australia is "up", why should you be required to find rationale for it? Isn't everything just semantics anyway? Good luck with your search. =)


    • thomo the lost 28 February 1999 / 1:56 pm

      I like that – especially as the same reasoning can be used to support my argument 🙂


  2. Kiwi 4 May 2004 / 3:15 pm

    Number 9 is that countries are ranked in order of importance with the most important being at the top of the map. This is why NZ is higher up than Ozzie.

    Liked by 1 person

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